THE M5 MOMENT
"Reality is nuclear; it’s incredibly powerful. It’s unimaginably potent. People can experience a flash of reality in the time it takes to snap your fingers, and the energy and the force that enters into them as a result is life altering. Just one moment of awakening begins the dissolution of one’s false sense of self and, subsequently, the dissolution of one’s whole perception of the world.”
Adyashanti. ‘The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment’.
It’s only a story, but it may be similar to your story, because more and more people are waking up now and remembering their True Self. If this awakening happens out of the blue, like it did for me, it can be very unsettling, confusing and disturbing for the person it’s happening to and for family members, friends and co-workers, who may well think you’ve lost your mind! To be fair, they are not wrong. Awakening to the truth of what we are, even if it’s a glimpse for a millisecond, is the Ego-mind dropping away and revealing a deeper truth that was hidden in plain sight.
(A note on terms. All words, including these ones are made up and over time they become loaded with so many different meanings and emotions, especially the word ‘God’. Personally I like to use the word God as the word for everything in the seen and unseen universes - the loving, infinite, silent, creative intelligence that permeates existence and gives rise to consciousness. If you don’t like the word God, perhaps substitute for a term you feel more comfortable with like The Universe, The Creator, Life, The Beloved, The Limitless One… )
So, before this ‘M5 moment’, let me tell you what I believed.
I was brought up by parents who didn’t really believe in God, or at least not the Christian bearded, judgemental version of God and we only went to Church as a family for weddings, funerals and Christmas. I have always sang in choirs and so I did go to Church every Sunday between the age of 12 and 18, however there was something about the words I spoke that didn’t resonate with me. Let me say I respect all religious and spiritual beliefs, ranging from militant atheists to monks/nuns in service, but for me there was something about parts of the Christian teachings that just didn’t ring as true.
(Recently one of my children told me quite adamantly that he didn’t believe in ‘God’. I surprised him I think, by replying that I probably didn’t believe in the God he didn’t believe in either!)
So I left school at 18, stopped going to Church to sing on Sundays and really fell into a state of agnostic indifference. However, something happened when I was 19 that opened a crack in the door of ‘everything being possible’. I started to notice than when I thought of people, more often than not they phoned me, or in more recent times, they emailed me. I am not sure if it was them thinking about me, or me thinking about them, but either way it proved to me that we were all connected and all telepathic in some way. This didn’t give me a belief or idea about ‘God’, but it did at least take me beyond my five senses and just about kept the door to mystery ajar.
The next thing I noticed was what seemed like outrageous co-incidences, where I would meet just the right people in the strangest and random of places. The more it happened, the more I noticed it. It made me realise that something ‘out there’ or more ‘in here’ was helping me, but I still didn’t really have any other opinions about what was arranging for these fortuitous events. This was my experience from the age of 19 through to 42.
Then in September 2011, I experienced a major relationship earthquake from which my 20 year marriage sadly did not survive. My world imploded over a weekend. Lies were revealed, but the truth did actually set me free in more ways than I could have imagined. Jesus was right!
Four days into this crisis, I was driving up the M5 motorway, just south of Tiverton in Devon when something quite unexpected happened. I was speeding along in the outside lane, when suddenly something shifted in me, tears of joy rolled down my cheeks and I felt what I called at the time as ‘the presence of God’. This phrase comes from my loose Christian upbringing but it doesn’t really convey what I felt in that moment. It’s hard to put into words.
In that moment, which in reality probably only lasted only 20 seconds, I felt so wonderfully loved, I felt everything was connected and all part of One thing. It was mind-blowing and it changed my life.
I nearly pulled over and was fortunate not to crash the car, but when I reached my destination, I just sat in my car and started to come to terms with what had happened. It was so unexpected and I had no-one to help me understand it. In fact I spent 4 years trying to work out what happened, by reading hundreds of books, speaking to Christians and Buddhist friends and eventually having some readings with three incredibly gifted psychics. (I have listed them and others on this page on the site, towards the bottom of the page: )
So, after this ‘M5 moment’, let me tell you what I believe.
I believe 'God' is every-thing and no-thing. It's the loving, silent, infinitely creative intelligent electricity that powers the seen and unseen universes. We are all ‘God’ but ‘God’ is not a deity to be worshipped or feared. If you want to worship something, worship everything - it's all sacred!
It’s actually so simple, but yet religions can make it all so complicated. Humans make religions complicated, some might say on purpose, but the Truth is blindingly simple and natural. God is hiding in plain sight. We are God. It’s just part of us forgot, that’s all.
Based on my direct experiences, I now believe without any shadow of a doubt that we are spiritual beings having a precious human experience, not just ‘biological tubes’, as the late great Alan Watts once wrote.
Like a radio, I was 'tuned up' during my M5 moment which means that since then I have been able to communicate with some of the spiritual realms/dimensions that are all around us. It turns out we all have Guides and Helpers on 'the other side', although in truth there is no ‘other side’, it’s here with us now, but like radio waves, most humans can’t perceive this subtle energy with our 5 senses.
In 2017 I attended a ‘Mediumship’ course at the Arthur Findlay College, I was amazed and shocked to discover that I could connect with people’s loved ones in the spirit world, hearing internally like being on a telephone, bringing through clear evidence I could never have guessed, which confirms my belief that everything is energy and nothing ever dies.
I think that people who are waking up find they are capable of all sorts of 'super-human' abilities, like knowing what people are feeling, knowing how to heal people, knowing what is likely to happen in the future, being able to move objects with thought and so on...
These are side-effects of awakening to a greater reality that was always all around and inside us. We ALL have these abilities, but most of us have forgotten. I believe many of us have had these abilities in what we call ‘the past’ and have been persecuted, tortured and killed for displaying them, but we need to overcome karmic fears and stand in our own truth. It’s time to shine our light. This mass awakening is the best show in the Universe and we have all got front row seats!
I have no idea what I will be doing in future now moments, but I suspect that if I end up being some kind of teacher (although I prefer the term ‘Reminderer’) then these psychic attributes may will be helpful. Who knows…
In terms of why it happened to me when it did, it was partly the timing of my marriage ending that brought on my spiritual opening, but there was also a much more interesting reason than that . . . I found out recently that my Higher Self set a ‘timer’, so that if I hadn’t already had a spiritual opening by my mid-forties, that I would have one anyway! Apparently my Higher Self didn’t want to waste another human incarnation living with total spiritual amnesia. I am extremely grateful to my Higher Self for arranging this.
So in conceptual terms, what happened on the M5 was that a tiny portion of the light and power of my Higher Self blasted out my Ego Separation software and for those wonderful 20 seconds I experienced that feeling of Home.
This peak moment (or maybe more a ‘peek’ moment) sadly didn’t last, but the shift in my being, in my vibration, did last, thank God, because I wouldn’t want to go back to being asleep.
The spiritual teacher Adyashanti wrote this about awakening:
“The good news is that once a moment of this clear seeing has actually taken place, the aperture of our awareness can never completely close down again. It may seem like it has closed down completely, but it never quite does. In the deepest part of yourself, you don’t ever forget. Even if you’ve only glimpsed reality for a moment, something within you is changed forever.
Reality is nuclear; it’s incredibly powerful. It’s unimaginably potent. People can experience a flash of reality in the time it takes to snap your fingers, and the energy and the force that enters into them as a result is life altering. Just one moment of awakening begins the dissolution of one’s false sense of self and, subsequently, the dissolution of one’s whole perception of the world.”
(Credit: Adyashanti. The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment. Sounds True.)
Actually it was a good thing the peak moment didn’t last because I would have found it very hard to function as a father and husband. When Eckhart Tolle had his spiritual opening, it was full on and stayed full on – he ended up leaving home and sleeping on park benches for a few years because he was so blissed out!
When Byron Katie had her awakening, she didn’t even remember who her husband or children were! She wandered around her town, walking into stranger’s houses, saying that she lived there. In her perception, she was everything and everything was her, so she was ‘home’ in every location.
I am so glad that didn’t happen to me and I hope it doesn’t in a future now moment. I had a very gentle spiritual opening by comparison, a little nudge awake which I am very grateful for.
I am very sorry that my wife and my children found it so challenging to be around me, as I tried to work out what had happened. They knew I had changed and it was unsettling for them. It was unsettling for me too! Such is the power of an awakening, that for a few weeks after the M5 moment, I felt like I had been reborn, like another soul had swopped places with mine, which can happen – it’s called a ‘walk-in’. Apparently I didn’t have a walk in, but part of me died that fateful day in the autumn 2011 and something else woke up in me, something that had been there all along.
If you feel you are going through a spiritual awakening and you need support, by all means do get in contact, but first have a look at this website http://spiritualcrisisnetwork.uk . It took me a while to find some books that helped me, but this is a UK organisation that helps people deal with the fall out from these types of spontaneous openings.
As I have reported, there are lots of odd side effects from awakening, so it’s really important to get the right support from people who have been there and moved through many of the stages of awakening. Most medically trained doctors and psychiatrists do not understand the difference between a true spiritual awakening and a psychotic episode and have a tendency to medicate. Sometimes maybe a few people do need drugs to help them function in their everyday lives, but I feel that in most cases the drugs actually stop a natural evolutionary process from running it’s course.
Back in 2011, my doctor didn’t have clue what was happening to me, bless her. She gave me sleeping pills if I couldn’t sleep and anti-depressants if I felt depressed! I flushed the anti-depressants down the loo but did take the sleeping pills on occasion when I really needed a proper night’s sleep, However, I nearly ended up getting addicted to sleeping pills, so be careful. Remember to ground all this high frequency energy, by walking out in nature, preferably bare foot.
If you are curious for Truth, desiring to wake up or have already had an awakening experience, I can highly recommend the teachings of Adyashanti and his excellent book, ‘The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment’, published by Sounds True. There are so many books and teachers available, so just find the ones who resonate with you and this will change over time as well. I have listed my favourites here.
Also check out the amazing wealth of interviews on the ‘Buddha at the Gas Pump’ website, which features over 570 interviews with spiritually awakening people. The host Rick Archer does a wonderful job of asking the right questions, peppered with his own insights from his spiritual journey. I have watched many of the interviews, linked to the person’s website, booked skype sessions and read their books. It’s actually been a life-saver discovering this website – thank you Rick and Irene Archer.
So, that is what happened when I was driving up the motorway one day… Life is full of surprises!